my life - sucks.

met up with M. realise still love him, he claimes he stil love me too. BUT. he keep on insisted he cannot give me happiness - financially. we did things like we used to.

met up with R also. realise we click on more then we used to be like couples. we did what couple did that day - i meant holding hands, he hugged me throughout the movie. BUT, there's no more love feel between me & him.

i miss A. though I know it's impossible between the two of us. yes I admit I've a crush on him. but it's only as simple as a crush. he still love his ex. so do I. i keep on telling myself, it's only a crush. i only liked him coz he was there for me when im at my lowest point of time in life, when i needed accompany. we shared alot. heart to heart talks.

have been drinking alot recently. just to forget these issues. im just running away, i know.........

i insisted i do not need any guys in my life anymore, or mayb for the time being.


but, deep down inside my heart, i know, it's not possible.


my heart is so fragile & vulnerable now.


im trying my best to forget these fellas, wanting to be friends only, as simple as friends...

M as someone who can slack, R to accompany me as a big brother & A as a drinking kaki, a movie partner.


i miss my old self, the old confident Belinda.


can anyone help me?

yes, i may look super happy, while drinking, slacking & chilling.

but deep down inside, i believe, only my sisters would understand what Im going thru.

how i wish i could drink myself dead. i just dun wanna face the music reality.